How To Eat A Mango

This is my technique, and it ain't for everyone. What I'll guarantee is that you'll get the most out of the mango in question. Plus, it will promote good dental hygiene:

1. Get a plastic plate and a sharp kitchen knife (kids, ask your parents) that fits in non-thumb fingers comfortably. Or try a potato peeler as alternative, if you're ash white after reading "sharp kitchen knife" or if the only cutting you've ever done involve lines, class, deals, or music.
2. Peel half the mango, length-wise, as close the skin as possible; cutting VERY SLOWLY towards you while using your thumb as a guide.
   
3. Bite (not slice) chunks out of the nude hemisphere of the mango, and enjoy. Ideally, this should leave you with half the seed sticking out.
   
4. Once you've gotten all the pulp you can from biting, scrap the rest with your top teeth, and enjoy.
5. Once you've gotten all the pulp you can from scrapping, suck, suck, and suck, and enjoy, until the hairs of the mango form a near-white mohawk along the spine of the mango.
6. Ideally, Step 5 should leave you with a relatively, pulp-free half of the seed sticking out, which you can use as leverage for Step 7.
7. Repeat Steps 2-5, with the unpeeled half of the mango.
8. Wash your hands
9. Floss